DECELERATE.VC

We invest $100k in startups. $100K in services & stuff we have lying around the office, not cash obviously.

We have some of the crappiest term sheets on the market.

We provide hundreds of unheard of mentors who will give unsolicited advice in areas we have no experience in.

–

– We’ll give you the most worthless stock options on the market, bar none.

Have you successfully failed at multiple startups
Are you currently work for big enterprise?
Are you good at “machine learning”?
Prefer working solo?
Can you monopolize any meeting?
Talk down to everyone?
Do no actual work? Ever?

We need Techbros with a passionate dislike for being on time & showers

Values:

Willing to:

– steal our crappy tech and take it to your next employer
– sign terrible term sheets
– start with an insane valuation
– get fired & give yourself a $10M golden parachute

– Experience doing shady things at parties is preferred

Lead DataScientist: A Macbook covered in stickers and an entire drawer full of D&D polyhedral dice

Lead Designer:

saying I’ll do something in an email and then disappearing for a few weeks

Month 1-6:

– fly to a series of countries, stay in 3 star hotels in resort towns to “get the voice of the customer”

Months 7-12:

Mission Statement & role specifications